Thank you so much for writing this article and giving voice to the numerous challenges and painful, nuanced insults that we often receive in response to being Killjoys. It’s so hard because, at least in my experience, when I don’t speak up and act as a killjoy, I feel like I am betraying myself. But when I do, my words are rarely met with understanding or kindness. As an example, I recently shared a comment on a historical post about Eleanor Roosevelt wherein I asserted that she may have been bisexual (per this link from bi.org: https://bi.org/en/articles/famous-bis-eleanor-roosevelt). While I happily received quite a few likes and even a restack, I also received the comment: “Not important. But I understand your point <3”. Those two words — “not important” — really stopped me in my tracks and left me with a huge surge of anxiety as I felt my entire identity as a bisexual woman was being dismissed as “not important”. Even if that wasn’t the commenter’s intent, that was the impact that it had on me, and while I did offer a response explaining bi erasure, taking the time to explain bisexual erasure in and of itself was somewhat emotionally exhausting. I knew the risks when I decided to be a Bisexual Killjoy™️and share this information & bi visibility about Eleanor Roosevelt, but it sure did suck to get some pushback, even when it was packaged with a heart emoji. Like you said, being a Killjoy at any given time is a choice and it’s one that comes with strife but also has great potential for making a better world 🩵
I am so glad you felt the desire and courage to share this. I think most people have been through situations like this so often and carried the shame or guilt or whatever of being a killjoy in whatever capacity it is in but the choice to keep doing so is one of great courage and undeniably one that we need more than ever right now.
I can still remember talking passionately in a car with my brother and sister, two people that I trust with my life in a lot of ways and my brother told me I needed to 'calm down' and at that moment I was able to say, "I can lower my voice if that is causing harm to you as a driver but I do not and should not calm down about this very important thing to me." It caused upheaval in that moment which we were able to work through but it still hurts so bad that my brother, one of the few men I trust on the planet earth, would pull the same shit with me that every other man has ever pulled when I am being to passionate about something.
The passion, when it doesn't serve others is usually when we are shamed into silence.
Being a Killjoy, it seems like one of the more important foundational truths is to not allow the silence to continue about things that we are discussing.
Thank you so much for writing this article and giving voice to the numerous challenges and painful, nuanced insults that we often receive in response to being Killjoys. It’s so hard because, at least in my experience, when I don’t speak up and act as a killjoy, I feel like I am betraying myself. But when I do, my words are rarely met with understanding or kindness. As an example, I recently shared a comment on a historical post about Eleanor Roosevelt wherein I asserted that she may have been bisexual (per this link from bi.org: https://bi.org/en/articles/famous-bis-eleanor-roosevelt). While I happily received quite a few likes and even a restack, I also received the comment: “Not important. But I understand your point <3”. Those two words — “not important” — really stopped me in my tracks and left me with a huge surge of anxiety as I felt my entire identity as a bisexual woman was being dismissed as “not important”. Even if that wasn’t the commenter’s intent, that was the impact that it had on me, and while I did offer a response explaining bi erasure, taking the time to explain bisexual erasure in and of itself was somewhat emotionally exhausting. I knew the risks when I decided to be a Bisexual Killjoy™️and share this information & bi visibility about Eleanor Roosevelt, but it sure did suck to get some pushback, even when it was packaged with a heart emoji. Like you said, being a Killjoy at any given time is a choice and it’s one that comes with strife but also has great potential for making a better world 🩵
I can relate! Thank you for sharing.
Jace,
I am so glad you felt the desire and courage to share this. I think most people have been through situations like this so often and carried the shame or guilt or whatever of being a killjoy in whatever capacity it is in but the choice to keep doing so is one of great courage and undeniably one that we need more than ever right now.
I can still remember talking passionately in a car with my brother and sister, two people that I trust with my life in a lot of ways and my brother told me I needed to 'calm down' and at that moment I was able to say, "I can lower my voice if that is causing harm to you as a driver but I do not and should not calm down about this very important thing to me." It caused upheaval in that moment which we were able to work through but it still hurts so bad that my brother, one of the few men I trust on the planet earth, would pull the same shit with me that every other man has ever pulled when I am being to passionate about something.
The passion, when it doesn't serve others is usually when we are shamed into silence.
Being a Killjoy, it seems like one of the more important foundational truths is to not allow the silence to continue about things that we are discussing.
Thank you again.