Bailey Merlin
Welcome to Bisexual Killjoy. My name is Bailey Merlin. Iâm Bisexual researcher, advocate, and writer. Iâm currently sitting in a closet. Not a metaphorical closet, like a literal closet. Came out of the closet a long time ago, and for some reason have to keep coming out of it. But, I digress.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Welcome to Bisexual Killjoy. I am Jeiselynn RĂos Rivera. These days, though, I go by Lynn mostly. I am a sociologist, a graduate student, a purple enthusiast, and your local neighborhood bisexual academic. Iâm from Puerto Rico, I came to upstate New York to study bisexuality and to research and make space for what it means to be Bi+ in this world right now in academia. And itâs something I think I do mostly out of self-defense, to make sure that we exist and we remain and we are recognized as such if.
Bailey Merlin
If the Bi+ community had an animal mascot, what mascot would it be?
Lynn RĂos Rivera
I am somewhere in between reclaiming the unicorn for ourselves as a magical, mystical creature and not as something to be hunted. [Lynn laughs]
And stealing the BRCâs idea with the bee. âCause I thought that was cute.
Bailey Merlin
It is cute. Iâ for some reason, Bi+ people seem to really gravitate towards frogs, which I think is very cute. But I think that bisexuals should be represented by the American opossum.
[Both laugh] I say American specifically because itâs like our only marsupial and itâs super cool, but opossums are tanks. Nothing can kill them. They are so scrappy and theyâll play dead to get out of a situation, and they are very fierce and protective around their young.
Anyway, they thrive under any condition and I think that bisexuals are inherently resilient and that we are chameleons in a lot of ways and we can just sort of be wherever we need to be in that moment. And if I need to eat on pizza crust scraps today, I will. And if tomorrow I can go be in a bakery and eat some good food, Iâll do that! Anyway. This is my soapbox about opossums. I think theyâre so cool. [Both laugh]
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Iâm here for it. An opossum is like the state of New York. You have the wild city. [Laughs] And you have rural upstate and we can be found anywhere in between. Iâm here for it.
Bailey Merlin
Exactly. And you know we, could have someone draw an opossum with a cowboy hat on because that also feels right. [Both laugh]
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Iâll learn how to crochet an opossum plushie.
Bailey Merlin
Okay. And then underneath weâll put our script, like Bisexual Killjoyâ Iâm just really trying to push for the opossum to be the mascot for our show. I really am.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Okay, okay. Iâm here for it. We can make little Bisexual Killjoy, certified Bisexual Killjoy cards and a little opossum can be in the bottom instead of your picture, an opossum.
Bailey Merlin
Yes, exactly. [Lynn laughs]
Oh my God, and you join the opossum posse. [Both laugh]
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Yes! Stay on the lookout for a monthly subscription tier named opossum.
Bailey Merlin
Yes! Oh, and we partner with an opossum sanctuary, and they get a bunch of bisexual dollars that are just like, âI want to follow the opossum cam today.â [Lynn laughs]
Anyway, letâs talk more about what a bisexual killjoy is, shall we?
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Okay. Yes. So Bailey, Iâm hoping that maybe you can share a little bit about the first time you heard the term bisexual killjoy. What came up for you?
Bailey Merlin
So itâs literally whenever we had our talk. So just for some background, Lynn and I got connected to work on a paper together through the Bisexual Resource Center, which is based here in Boston, where I live.
And we talked a lot about bi erasure and biphobia. And as Lynn learned to like me a little bit more, they were very good in sort of talking about this phrase that came up in class for them, this book that you were reading, itâs Feminist Killjoy. And this is what you were talking about earlier.
But then this idea of taking it and being a bisexual killjoyâand Iâll be honest, it took like 3 or 4 times of you explaining it to me for me to get it. But thatâs how I learn, [both laugh] is like, through repetition. And you know, when I finally got it the fourth time, and Iâm sitting here thinking like, yeah, bisexuals are inherently a killjoy in a really cool, really punk sort of way because weâthose of us who feel comfortable enough to be killjoys, not all of us do. Itâs calling out biphobia and bi erasure and saying like, no no, not today. Not today, Satan. I will not be moved to the side. Do you know what youâre doing right now is really biphobic? Oh, are you telling me bisexuals donât exist, because statistically unlikely. They are statistically like 2 bisexuals in this room, and I know there are more just based on the demographic of this room. And I felt very empowered to be a bisexual killjoy and to take on that name, that title.
And it was so funny to talk about this podcast in a room full of other people who identify as Bi+, because most of them were like, yeah. Oh, I really like that. And then some other people were, âIâm not a killjoy.â And I still didnât know it enough at that point to explain it properly. Iâm like, âNo, no, no, being a killjoy is a good thing. I promise itâs a good thing. We should all be killjoys.â [Laughs] But I would love to hear more about what you thought as you sort of took the feminist killjoy and applied it more to your identity.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Yeah, I think that what made the bisexual killjoy actually take form and shape, and how she came to life was in that conversation of us preparing for this conference. âCause I think that I had thoughts of, âYeah, you know, bisexual killjoy, this tracks for me as the person who is clearly unwelcome in this classroom and every other one.â But as we were talking about queering academia through activism, I think thatâs what struck me the most. Because the killjoy is an activist, and thatâs how Sarah describes it in Living a Feminist Life and in the Feminist Killjoy Handbook, where she is philosopher and she is activist. And I think that the one maxim, the one equation for killjoys that resonates the most with me as a bisexual killjoy is: eye rolling equals feminist pedagogy.
Bailey Merlin
Wait, wait, wait. Say more. First, define pedagogy. For other listenersâŚand definitely not for me.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Pedagogy is basically just a style of teaching, the act of teaching, receiving information. What happens in a classroom, thatâs pedagogy. And if eye rolling equals feminist pedagogy, then that made me feel a lot more empowered and a lot less self-conscious in my classes because itâs like, yeah, when I had this full semester graduate course, like 3 hour classes every week on the intersection of gender and sexuality, bisexuality only came up when I spoke about it.
Bailey Merlin
No, no. Like, thatâs just not evenâOkay, look, Iâm sorry. [Both laugh] Pause theâ
Look. This, to me, really blows my mind because they bring up these scholars, like the people that you are taught in these these WGS classes are gay men and lesbian women. And itâs like, weâre only going to look at like 10 or 15 people? Weâre really not going to diversify this conversation by bringing in bisexual writers, and this is what really blew my mind in those classes, is when I went to scholars, like scholars, people who have been doing this for as long as LGBTQ+ literature classes have been around, and were fighting the good fight, right? They say, âOh, I donât really know any bisexual scholars. I havenât read any bisexual papers. I donât really have any resources for you.â Imagine being a teacher and telling a student I donât have any resources for you. Bestie, what? And itâs just because the bisexual voice has been historically dampened. Weâre not very quiet, so I canât say silenced, but itâs very hard to find us in school settings, in syllabi, anything like that. Anyway, continue, Iâm just going to steam and fume over here in my closet.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Itâs hard to find. Itâs difficult to engage with and largely because weâve been taught to think in binaries. Thanks to one of my mentors from back home, I tend to see things in this like economic, political timeline of sorts. And after the industrial revolution, like, we were promised that if we that if we can define everythingâ.
Bailey Merlin
[Laughing] Industrial revoluâ Supposed to be a definition and youâre likeâ
Lynn RĂos Rivera
I got you, I got you. We were promised that everything can be divided into its parts. We were promised that everything can be simple. And I think that, by definition, bisexuality is not simple. By very definition, it is not easily understood and not easily conceptualized or thought of. It can only be experienced. And I think that thatâs the general consensus amongst bisexual people and people who identify as Bi+ overall, where itâs like, can you define this for me? And we start treading into these very murky waters of, âto whatever degree, you just have to experience it, you just have to be it, because I love people and I love connecting with people and I am confused about why monosexuals are a thing.â Like, if theyâre confused about me, Iâm more confused about them.
Bailey Merlin
I want that on a shirt. Like if I if youâre confused about me, imagine how I feel. This brings up an interesting point, that again, weâll talk more about as we move along this series, is the idea of Bi+, bisexuality, being fluid. More fluid than many like, gay, lesbian, which are fixed, and like monosexualities.
And I definitely want this space as we talk about Bi+ness and fluid sexuality more because when we talk about bisexuality, we also mean pansexuality. We also mean people who are in that fluid sexual spectrum, so I donât want anyone listening to this to perceive this, to be gatekeeping to just Bi+ or bisexual. Like, âif you donât identify as bisexual, then you canât be here in this conversation.â
Please be here in this conversation. We need to talk about fluidity. We need to talk about how expansive bisexuality is, and weâll get into nuance later, but for now, as youâre listening to this first episode, please know that this is a space for you.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
A space for all bisexualities. I think that because bisexual literature and research happens to be so scarce. And itâs the situation ofâresearch happens, itâs not that it doesnât happen. But it happens sporadically and I donât think we talk to each other. I donât think us researchers of bisexuality talk to each other enough.
So we all have, like, mildly different consensus on what the wording is meant to be. So when we say bisexual killjoy, this is open to anybody who identifies as Bi+, bisexilities. The term that I tend to use in my work is plurisexuality. In contrast to mono, as in one, pluri as in many. And expanding on what that means.
Bailey Merlin
Plurisexual opossum posse. Mhmm.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Yes.
Bailey Merlin
Mmkay.
[Lynn laughs]
So I just wanted to make that distinction going forward and you and I can fight about definitions later, which people would be very rapt by. Itâll be excellent.
But for an introduction, now that you know us and will grow to love us, if you are a Bi+ person, bisexual, and you hear the word killjoy and it sits a little right in your chest, youâre like, âyeah, I do feel like a killjoy,â then follow along. Weâll be having all sorts of guests on this podcast in the hopes that we build community so that more bisexual, plurisexual researchers can find each other. That activists can find each other. And so that you, as our listener, our gentle listener, can understand that you are not alone, despite the fact that you may look to your left and to your right and not know a single bisexual in a five mile radius. Statistically unlikely, but still.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Yeah. And I look forward to having these conversations and I look forward to just engage in this project of making space for who the bisexual killjoy is. What is she attempting to be? I wrote a few tidbits of knowledge that I want to throw out there. This podcast is both a project and journey in defining and exemplifying what it means to be a bisexual killjoy, what makes a bisexual killjoy, and what gains we can achieve by centering bisexuality in our lived experiences.
To be clear, we are not killing our own joy in being bisexual. We are joyful because we choose to embrace our bisexuality and we will not allow othersâ conceptions of happiness and queerness to be the baseline for how we embody this key aspect of ourselves. To be a bisexual killjoy is to be willing to not make happiness our cause, but rather to center our cause in a queer bisexual revolution that reveals and dismantles normative binaries.
Bailey Merlin
Tea.
[Lynn laughs]
So follow us along. We will be working hard to be consistent at this project and hope to talk about everything under the bisexual sun, and if you have ideas, you can e-mail us at bisexualkilljoy@gmail.com and you can follow us on Instagram, @bisexualkilljoy.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Yes.
Bailey Merlin
Is that even true? Is that our handle?
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Yes, bisexualkilljoy. All together, no periods or nothing.
Bailey Merlin
Yeah, itâs just one word, because bisexuality makes us unified. I donât know. Weâll do something with this.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Bailey, I do have a question for you.
Bailey Merlin
Oh my God, hit me.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Are you proud to be a bisexual killjoy?
Bailey Merlin
What if I just said no and I just left the stage? Just, like, crawled out of my closet and was like, âIâm straight nowâ?
[Both laugh]
Am I proud to be bisexual killjoy? Iâm gonna say no, and itâs just because itâs a bummer that I have to be. But Iâm so happy and content in being a bisexual and also I love getting into fights, so in that sense, it does bring me a lot of joy to be a killjoy. [Laughs] I donât know, whatâs your answer?
Lynn RĂos Rivera
[Laughing] Iâm here for all of it.
For me, I think that I am proud to be a bisexual killjoy, but thatâs not to say that when this term came to me, I felt identified and proud and excited for it. I think I felt really self-conscious about it.
I think I felt really scared about people being angry, about the way that they see bisexuality and me having toâI already have to explain bisexuality all the time. Do I have to also, on top of it, be like, annoying? I think thatâs the word that came into my head when I said it, like annoying.
And I think that the trajectory from then to now has been a journey of, heck yes! Because these people in my classroom in a WGSS cohort donât know that the Journal of Bisexuality exists. They donât know about my history. They actively misread me and they actively attempt to categorize me in ways that I have already said are not me.
So I think that learning to take up that space and being proud in taking up that space has been a real trajectory. And I am very proud that I went through it and I am here today.
Bailey Merlin
Keep being a bisexual killjoy.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
A purple wearing bisexual killjoy.
Bailey Merlin
So Lynn, will you talk a little bit more about the book that led you to bisexual killjoy?
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Absolutely. The first time I took a feminist theory classâand I have ADHD, so this may be a roundabout way of defining and explaining thingsâbut the first time I took a feminist theory class was up here in New York and I was very excited for it. I was very excited to figure out what feminist theory meant, how can it be embodied. I hear a lot about the praxis, I hear a lot about the trains of thought.
So I wanted to have this academic take as a sociologist and as someone who really likes to read, and my professor gave us this, not the entire book to read, I think it was like the introduction and one of the conclusions of Sarah Ahmedâs book, âLiving a Feminist Lifeâ. And in it, she speaks about the feminist killjoy as a figure. Who is she? Where does she come from? And the idea is that the feminist killjoy is the woman in the family that ruins dinner because Dad said something sexist, because the uncle said something racist, and weâre trying to have a nice family dinner, a nice Thanksgiving dinner, a nice Christmas dinner. Be what it may.
But these comments are being told mostly to provoke the gender and sexuality scholar that is in the room. Itâs there to provoke and incite. But then he is never the problem. She is the problem for ruining dinner. She is the one who should have understood that thatâs just who they are, and theyâre just making fun; this is just a joke. This is just how things are.
And I think that in order for things to be a joke, they need to be widely acceptable. âThis is common knowledge, this is just how things are.â And being the person that dedicates a career, a life, to say that is not how things are; that is how you made themâI think thatâs when you start becoming a problem. And Sara says this more eloquently than I: âto expose a problem is to pose a problem.â She speaks about being proud. How to be a feminist killjoy. How to not laugh at sexist jokes. No, thatâs not funny. No, Iâm not OK with it. No, donât talk to me that way. And in that complaining youâre also taking up space, but youâre also taking privilege and space away from the person thatâs enforcing this kind of power.
So in that empowerment journey of like, yeah, maybe the killjoy is someone who takes away the idea of joy that others have, whether the idea is projected onto you or they themselves are practicing something. And I think that bisexuals embody that in a lot of ways, and considering you threatened to blast my train, my random trains of thought at 5PM, Iâll share the one that struck me the most, that made me think of the bisexual as a killjoy beyond the classroom, which is saying no to a threesome.
The amount of times on dating apps that guys and women with boyfriends are like, oh, youâre bisexual. So do you want to have a threesome with me and my partner?
Bailey Merlin
No.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
It always struck me so much because I got that question so often on dating apps when I first started going on them, that at some point I even felt forced to say yes. It almost felt like. Well, Iâm bi, is that notâ? And if everybodyâs telling me that this is what that means, then is it? And I think thatâs the most intense part of being bi, the gaslighting that happens.
Bailey Merlin
Oh, yeah, the gaslighting.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Are you really bi if?
Bailey Merlin
Weâll definitely want to talk more about signaling as we go along, but God, the gaslighting, the gaslighting.
Yes, Iâm bisexual, I promise you Iâm bisexual. I promise you I went to bed bisexual and I woke up bisexual, and at tea time I was bisexual, and at lunch I was bisexual, and at 3:00pm I was bisexual. Like you know, at every moment of my day, I was bisexual. There was never a moment where I just manifested myself into a very straight woman. That didnât happen. There was never a moment where I was a lesbian.
There was never a moment where I was like, am I even a person? No, that that one did happen.
[Both laugh]
But even when I was questioning it, am I real, I was very much like, Iâm still bisexual, so the gaslighting alone makes me simmer with fury every day.
Thank you for joining these two bisexual killjoys this afternoon, morning, or whatever time it is for you. We have a lot cooking for a series of episodes on bisexuality, and Lynn, give us a taste of what some of them might be.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
As we engage in this journey of attempting to define and describe who the bisexual killjoy is and what she embodies, weâre going to be bringing in our own voices, other peopleâs voices into this conversation and continue to shape it in accordance to our own experiences, our own knowledge, and how thatâs going to keep transforming and evolving throughout this project.
That includes citing more articles and talking about books weâve read on bisexuality, it includes bringing people in and having interviews and having a nice conversation about what it means to be a bisexual killjoy and activist and an academic. And understand and share the different ways of bisexuality informs every single part of us.
Bailey Merlin
So send us your questions to bisexualkilljoy@gmail.com. Contact us @bisexualkilljoy on Instagram. We want to hear from you. We want your stories, we want your thoughts and questions, comments, concerns. Who should we be talking to? Who do you want to hear from? And in the meantime, keep being a killjoy.
Lynn RĂos Rivera
Weâll see you next time.
Contact Information & Socials
Email: bisexualkilljoy@gmail.com
Instagram: @bisexualkilljoy
Substack: www.bisexualkilljoy.com
Find the latest content and contact information at: https://linktr.ee/bisexualkilljoy
References
Ahmed, S. (2017). Living a Feminist Life. Duke University Press. https://doi.org/10.2307/j.ctv11g9836