Nobody is just "a little bit bi," But Everyone is Bi+

Jace reflects on the “overlap” of Bi erasure and Bi resistance.

In a recent Bi+ event in Valencia, I had a group conversation about the power of assumption. We spoke about how hard it is to push against the assumption that everyone is either straight or gay. How we unconsciously thought “oh, that person’s straight/gay” just by how they dressed, or who they were with.

Someone asked, “Have any of you been able to push back on that? To think perhaps they’re Bi, instead of just gay or straight?”

I responded without thinking, “I always think they’re Bi.”

“It’s gotten a bit out of hand, actually.” I laughed, “Now my straight friends have to come out to me as straight. And my gay friends have to come out to me as gay. It’s quite comedic.” We all laughed.

“That’s funny,” someone chimed in. “But if you assume everyone is Bi, that makes the problem of Bi erasure worse. Because if everyone is Bi, then no one is.” A few folks nodded.

I sighed. Was this the place to push back on another commonly held misconception? Will they hate me if I bring my big words and article citations? I don’t know anyone in this city, I don’t want to lose my chance at making friends…

So I didn’t say anything this time. But, I had an hour long bus ride home to think about it. And boy did I think about it.