Give It to Me Bi: Do Bi+ issues matter?
At this point, we're professional bisexuals. Give It To Me Bi is a bi-weekly advice column where your favorite Bisexual Killjoys answer all your questions about being bi+.
Q.
Dear Bailey & Jace,
I’m a Bi+ person who loves to volunteer for LGBT+ organizations. But lately, it’s starting to feel like the only way I can be there is by continuously giving free labor. I’ve been listening to the pod and I know how important bisexual inclusion is, but with everything that’s going on in the world, I worry that there are other queer issues that matter more. Am I being a bad Bisexual Killjoy by staying silent? How do I advocate for Bi+ inclusion while also lifting up queer groups that are really going through it right now?
Sincerely,
Feeling Silenced
A.
Dear Feeling Silenced,
I totally understand where you’re coming from. This struggle is not unique to you, and not knowing how to handle it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad Bisexual Killjoy. It means that you’re starting imperfectly on the journey, and that’s what counts!
First things first, I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Spaces where Bi+ people appear to be invited only when we give free labor are so prevalent, it’s actually been theorized about. Our excitement and eagerness to belong to a queer space is often very palpable at the beginning of our journey, and it’s easy to say “yes” to opportunities that allow us to put that energy to good use without considering the drawbacks.
This isn’t strictly our fault. Organizations that accept volunteer labor should also be paying attention to what it is that the volunteers themselves wish to do and learn inside a space, so they can grow in the areas they wish to. (I mean, if you aren’t being compensated for your labor, you should at least be feeling fulfilled instead of perpetually drained.)
This means that it’s the organization’s responsibility to ensure that you’re taken care of as you provide labor. They should provide you with multiple opportunities and channels to open up about what’s going on, what you hope to accomplish in the near future, and engage with your vision of the work that you are providing.
This means that you get to bring up things that you’re already flagging as blindspots in this organization you’re volunteering at. It doesn’t have to be confrontational at all. It’s a friendly conversation among folks who are all committed to the success of the organization and the people they serve.
Now, before I dive into how to bring this up at your next meeting, let’s go over something else you mentioned in your letter.
What about other queer issues?
What about the queer folks who are really going through it right now?
This question often comes from a place of profound empathy for our fellow queer siblings. We’re all in this fight together, and we cannot ignore what our trans siblings are going through or any of the other letters in our queer collective.
That means we cannot ignore what we are going through, as Bi+ folks within the queer collective.
Our collective reality is pretty dire, and Bi+ folks are really going through it, too. We are not being spared amidst the turmoil of politics, hate speech, and violence.
I could rattle off all the stats we cite on the podcast and here in this blog, but honestly, all it takes is a call to your nearest Bi+ group. How many of them are struggling? Most of them are, statistically speaking.
Between chronic illness, mental health struggles, lack of belonging, and the powerlessness this current US administration has instilled in us, we are not doing okay.
Now more than ever before we need the spaces to decompress, talk, laugh, and feel like we belong somewhere. Plus, our spaces have always been beautifully accepting of all kinds of queer folks, including our fellow trans and ace siblings. Having a Bi+ space, event, or gathering, we’re already signaling to the rest of the queer community that everyone is welcome here regardless of where they are on their queer journey.
Here, the most important Killjoy truth to remember is that the collective imaginary that “Bisexuals have it better than the rest of queer folks,” is just that, an imaginary.
The facts (both research and anecdotal) reveal that this simply isn’t true. We’re doing pretty gosh-darn awful, and the single most powerful thing we can do for each other is to gather, stand up for ourselves, and build places where we feel like we truly belong.
None of this means that we’re turning a blind eye to the struggles of other queer folk. It means that we are recognizing the intersections that have a direct effect on our collective wellbeing. It means that we’re open to building strong coalitions that stand for the needs of many. It means we’re working towards a kind of liberation that does not leave anyone behind.
So, what to do?
Recognize that Bi+ advocacy benefits the whole queer community
Advocating for Bi+ folks does not mean marginalizing another group. By taking a collectivist perspective to Bi+ advocacy, we recognize that taking care of one group allows us to have more energy to take care of another group. (and so on) Bi+ specific anything in an LGBT+ organization signals a true desire for radical inclusivity, coalition building, and community wellbeing.
Remember that we are a part of the queer community
It’s not rare for LGBT+ organizations to forget that the “B” stands for Bi+. We deserve a place at the table. You’re not asking for anything you aren’t already entitled to. We are a core part of the queer movement, the fight for liberation, and cause for celebration. Without us, there is no “LGBT+”.
This means that we deserve care from these organizations, too.
Be Assertive
You can bring up your desire to do Bi+ specific things at an individual or group meeting, totally up to you. I’m partial to the watercooler chat, but anything works. The goal is to bring it up to someone who can make the necessary changes you’re envisioning.
State very clearly what it is that you are noticing.
“There’s been great programming for LGT folks. I’ve loved x and y events. However, I’m noticing we don’t have nearly as many Bi+ specific initiatives.”
Continue with what you believe can be done about it.
“I’m confident that by adding a recurring series that covers x and y topics on a bi-weekly basis (pun intended) will provide our Bi+ members with an opportunity to x and y.”
Offer your support, and be clear about boundaries.
“I would be happy to set up the core structure and what should be covered. Is there anyone I could partner with to make sure all the events are staffed and prepped?”
My experience is that often admin folks at these organizations simply aren’t aware of the populations they’re overlooking. When you point out what’s missing, they’re actually pretty receptive to working with you on building something that will fill in the gap.
On the other hand, if they give you some sort of pushback on why not, here are some common responses that may help.
“It’s statistically unlikely that there are no Bi+ people among your members and attendees. I mean, I’m bisexual and I volunteer here. We’re actually the largest group in the LGBT+ community, and it’s important that it is represented in our programming.”
“About 1 in 3 trans folks identify as Bi+. This is a considerable overlap that will be covered by Bi+ specific programming. I’m passionate about ensuring that folks in this intersection are seen and accepted in their fullness by our organization.”
“Community support is the single most important factor for Bi+ health and wellbeing, regardless of relationship status. I’m confident that by broadening our programming, we will be able to reach a greater audience and serve more queer folks in our area. Especially those who may still be struggling to feel like they belong in the queer community.”
Overall, I want to say that you’re doing an awesome job. I’m proud of you for asking the question and wanting to advocate for Bi+ folks in your community and organization. That makes you an awesome killjoy!
Please keep us updated on how this goes. We’re so excited to see you build something new!
Stay Bisexual & Stay Strong,
Jace
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