At this point, we're professional bisexuals. Give It To Me Bi is a bi-weekly advice column in your favorite Bisexual Killjoys answer all your questions about being bi+.
This is so helpful. In an effort to get things "right" we can be paralyzed to do nothing. In this personal context, we can make ourselves disappear. As the article discusses, that leads to so much mental distress! Seems so obvious, but love the practical advice for moving through that without being overwhelmed.
"So rather than asking yourself how to do this “right,” I’d suggest asking something more manageable: What’s the smallest way I can stop minimizing myself this week?"
This is such a helpful post--thank you. The concept of "low-effort, repeatable visibility" has really helped me to feel seen while (as you wrote) "... teaching your nervous system that being seen doesn’t automatically lead to danger or scrutiny." After coming out to a few people important to me, I decided to do a few low-effort things: I put a small pride charm on my purse, and I updated my bios on my social media/website.
I was honestly surprised at how positive this has been for my mental health and how much it has improved my interactions with others. I've been treated with more kindness as I go about my day, and I feel more authentic.
I have had to teach my nervous system that being seen isn’t immediately dangerous in a couple of different ways and I love that you have been able to use those small ways to take up space honestly.
i’m not a late in life bisexual (i found out and came out at 17) but i understand what it’s like to feel behind because you’re weren’t allowed to figure yourself out until it was safe enough to
My question is how do you share with others that you're bi, while being married.
My wife knows and is the most amazing person in the world. She's my rockstar.
I worry about when I share, there will be a level of judgement towards her, and that is totally unacceptable, and Id much rather stay hidden, then her feel like, ive felt my whole life.
Having also been a late realization of being bisexual — also in my mid to late thirties — this story and response was very helpful. I think being single on top of that has been a different kind of difficult because I have felt pressure to date women to prove my bisexuality but due to the place I live and my personal life I haven’t had the chance to date anyone let alone someone other than a cis man.
That lack of experience has made me question whether I am bisexual at all and because I am also asexual, I have little to no desire to sleep with anyone but I do desire romance and vulnerable connection to another person and this adds another layer of confusion to my overall identity.
As people have said in other spaces, not only does your partner determine your identity but a lack of partner also doesn’t determine my identity. Sometimes that’s hard to believe but I continue to spend time in bisexual spaces and I continue to honor my identity by talking about it with people close to me in life. I think that’s all I can do to keep combating the fear of not belonging.
Thanks for this. I am a ‘later realizing’ bi at 65yo, I found your podcast and went back to the beginning and treated it as a Bi+ 101 course in my education. I’m still working through a lot of my stuff, and started wearing a subtle bi-colours wristband that I’m comfortable with in a kind of IYKYK way, more for myself than anything else.
This is so helpful. In an effort to get things "right" we can be paralyzed to do nothing. In this personal context, we can make ourselves disappear. As the article discusses, that leads to so much mental distress! Seems so obvious, but love the practical advice for moving through that without being overwhelmed.
"So rather than asking yourself how to do this “right,” I’d suggest asking something more manageable: What’s the smallest way I can stop minimizing myself this week?"
Aw. Thank you. Have already read three times. <3
Thank you so much for the kind words! We really appreciate it, and we're happy to hear the post is helpful.
This is such a helpful post--thank you. The concept of "low-effort, repeatable visibility" has really helped me to feel seen while (as you wrote) "... teaching your nervous system that being seen doesn’t automatically lead to danger or scrutiny." After coming out to a few people important to me, I decided to do a few low-effort things: I put a small pride charm on my purse, and I updated my bios on my social media/website.
I was honestly surprised at how positive this has been for my mental health and how much it has improved my interactions with others. I've been treated with more kindness as I go about my day, and I feel more authentic.
It's so beautiful to see all the ways authenticity and self-expression take shape 💙💜🩷
I have had to teach my nervous system that being seen isn’t immediately dangerous in a couple of different ways and I love that you have been able to use those small ways to take up space honestly.
i’m not a late in life bisexual (i found out and came out at 17) but i understand what it’s like to feel behind because you’re weren’t allowed to figure yourself out until it was safe enough to
My question is how do you share with others that you're bi, while being married.
My wife knows and is the most amazing person in the world. She's my rockstar.
I worry about when I share, there will be a level of judgement towards her, and that is totally unacceptable, and Id much rather stay hidden, then her feel like, ive felt my whole life.
A great question that many bi+ people have! We'd love to answer it for the column. Submit it here: https://forms.fillout.com/t/8eAmgmSsxPus
Having also been a late realization of being bisexual — also in my mid to late thirties — this story and response was very helpful. I think being single on top of that has been a different kind of difficult because I have felt pressure to date women to prove my bisexuality but due to the place I live and my personal life I haven’t had the chance to date anyone let alone someone other than a cis man.
That lack of experience has made me question whether I am bisexual at all and because I am also asexual, I have little to no desire to sleep with anyone but I do desire romance and vulnerable connection to another person and this adds another layer of confusion to my overall identity.
As people have said in other spaces, not only does your partner determine your identity but a lack of partner also doesn’t determine my identity. Sometimes that’s hard to believe but I continue to spend time in bisexual spaces and I continue to honor my identity by talking about it with people close to me in life. I think that’s all I can do to keep combating the fear of not belonging.
Thanks for this. I am a ‘later realizing’ bi at 65yo, I found your podcast and went back to the beginning and treated it as a Bi+ 101 course in my education. I’m still working through a lot of my stuff, and started wearing a subtle bi-colours wristband that I’m comfortable with in a kind of IYKYK way, more for myself than anything else.