Bisexual Killjoy Survival Kit: Holiday Edition
Navigating holiday events can be tough, here are a few tips to help out - Killjoy style
With holiday festivities fast approaching, there are a lot of feelings in the air. While there’s often a lot of hype and excitement around the winter gatherings, events, and gift-exchanges, (and rightly so!) the holidays can also bring a lot of mixed feelings for us queer folks. Some of us are not looking forward to spending so much time with our family of origin in a closed environment- especially if it includes cheek-pinches and socks as gifts.
We’ve been thinking of you all this holiday season. We’re so grateful for lending us a listening ear on the podcast, your messages that always perk us up, and your stories that remind us why it’s important to keep doing this work. In light of the state of the world right now, we want to send you off to your respective holiday celebrations with your very own Bisexual Killjoy Survival Kit: Holiday Edition. These are reminders, tools, and strategies to keep on hand as you navigate interactions with family members, co-workers, and friends of friends you may bump into in less-than-welcoming ways.
Reminders:
You Are Bi+ Enough
You’ve heard us speak at length about the troubles and struggles we’ve faced navigating biphobia and bierasure. We’re no strangers to the “it’s just a phase” rhetoric, (heck, the rebuttal is in our slogan!). So, remember – You’re not a Phase, You’re a Phenomenon. The only person that has any say on who and what you are is YOU. And we’re here to validate you to the ends of the Earth.
Pick Your Battles
Not everyone that asks you about your life and interests is doing so out of genuine curiosity or a bid for connection. Sometimes, you can sense when someone is just trying to pick a fight. Rest assured; you do not need to take the bait. And not responding does not make you any less of a Bisexual Killjoy. Remember that your physical safety always comes first, be aware of where you are and who you’re with, then make the safest choice for you. Your emotional wellbeing and mental health are also crucial, if not responding is what’s best for you - we are proud of you for making that choice.
Ground Yourself in What You Know to be True
Sometimes, not taking the bait comes with a side order of guilt – and it’s normal to feel that way. When guilt rears its ugly head, remind yourself of what you know to be true. Whether it’s a counterargument you wish you could have said “Passing privilege isn’t even a thing!” or a reminder on this survival kit “My physical and mental wellbeing come first,” take a moment to affirm them to yourself. These truths are not up for debate, and neither is your bi+ identity.
Things to Keep with You:
Have Your Comebacks Ready
Just as not responding is always an option, so is responding in kind. While I’m most partial to pointing at an academic and saying “Oh, so you know more than someone with a PhD?” there are other quick-witted options that Bailey has so epically compiled here on the Substack. (Clearly, she’s the brains) Keep some of those in your back pocket whenever you need them, and make sure to tell us about it after!
Links & Educational Materials
It’s totally okay to outsource the educating part of gatherings. Sometimes, the best option is to send a link or give a pamphlet to whoever said the last biphobic comment – or even just casually leave it on the table for someone to find. You can always point them in our direction and let us do the educating in name of all the queer folks in the room.
Self-Care & Affirmations Kit
It’s always a good idea to keep a small self-care kit with your favorite things and affirmations handy, especially during the holidays. Make sure to bring your favorite things with you – books, pins, stickers, plushies, blankets, and a journal to vent out any frustrations that come up. Remember to write down affirmations and reminders to yourself that you can come back to. It’s always nice to write a kind note to your future self.
As a bonus, you can also ask friends to write notes for you to read later. Build your self-care kits together!
Things to Do:
Celebrate Small Wins!
Sometimes, family is well-intentioned, but they still struggle with change. If you have the space for it, celebrate small wins with them (like when they correct another family member to affirm you as bi+) – this can be a chance to heal and connect. Celebrate the understanding they’re doing their best to foster, and the hard work and bravery you’ve put in by sharing this part of yourself with them.
Hangout with your Found Family
It’s common for families of origin to want all of your time during the holidays, but if their activities drain you, make sure you carve out some time to spend your found family and recharge. Even long-distance hangouts, game nights, and group video calls can be a welcome refuge from all the chaos. Holding space for each other is a precious kind of love.
Engage with Bi+ Media
Keeping a bi+ emotional support book with you throughout all these events can be a great way to take some time for yourself and recharge. Remember to also create a playlist of bi+ songs and artists you love, and your favorite bi+ podcasts! Keep these close with you, like a piece of home that fits in your pocket. We can all use a reminder of how others live their bi+ life and find healing moments with them.
While the holiday season can be a mixed bag for many, we hope that this survival kit helps navigate some of the situations you come across the next couple of weeks. Remember, you’re amazing, powerful, brilliant, and a phenomenal Bi+ person!
Our last episode of Season 2 comes out next week, and we already have so many fun things in the works for Season 3 we can’t wait to share with you!
Happy Holidays!
Stay Bisexual & Stay Strong
Jace